Dining in the Dark

I read last week in Elsevier about a restaurant in Zeist called Oud London that organizes a night once a month called "Dineren in het Donker" ("Dining in the Dark"). It is arranged in conjunction with one of the Dutch organizations for the blind and it aims to give people the chance to experience what it is like to dine in a restaurant as a blind person. It is a very interest concept, I would really love to try it out. I imagine that you would have to suspend all of your barriers of shyness and decorum as you have to accept that you would knock things and put your hands in the butter or whatever. Maybe I will get a chance to go there some time.

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Time

I towel my shaven jaw and stop, and stare,
Riveted by a dark exhausted eye,
A dry downturning mouth.

Time is running out, that's how it feels. It's not that life has been unkind to me, on the contrary I would say that my life has been blessed with good fortune. It's just that as each year passes I value life more and more so I want to do so much while I still can. At the very time I realize how much I could do with more time I have less and less of it for myself as work eats away a large portion of my days while my children consume most of the rest.

Now plainly in the mirror of my soul
I read that I have looked my last on youth
And little more; for they are not made whole
That reach the age of Christ.

In Dutch they call these the ' tropenjaren', an expression deriving from the time that many Dutch people spent very tough years in their tropical colonies. Families are symbiotic units but children also demonstrate parasitic characteristics with their parents as the host. I talk about this with my wife and we both hope that we can have some easy years when they are older but who knows what might happen. Will I still have the health to do everything I want to when I finally have the time?

And how should the flesh not quail, that span for span
Is mutilated more? In slow distaste
I fold my towel with what grace I can,
Not young, and not renewable, but man.

I never used to understand the pursuit of physical beauty. I was dumbfounded by bodybuilders and their desire to 'get big'. I was bluntly critical of anybody who would even consider cosmetic surgery. I never even once dyed my hair because of my ideas about people being what they are full stop. Now I see things differently. I see that many people are trying to save time, be it physically or mentally, by taking pills, slapping on creams or even going under the knife. That's what time has done to me, that's what I see now.

Extracts from "Mirror in February" by Thomas Kinsella

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Lilian's Story

"Lilian's Story" is a book that I will never forget. On the strength of "The Secret River" I wanted to explore more of Kate Grenville's work, this book is entirely different but equally rewarding. This novel tells the story of Lilian from her troubled childhood through to her twilight years homeless on the streets of Sydney. I found the childhood part of the book tough because it is written through the eyes of a child giving rise to a disjointed narrative with many loose ends. As the novel progresses the author skilfully alters her style to reflect Lilian's growing maturity and awareness of her place in the world. Gradually the reader is sucked in to Lilian's world and is a helpless passenger as we watch her cut away from society and its conventions. The reader is asked to confront his own ideas on convention and protocol on the journey through Lilian's life as she comes across others who have slipped through society's cracks. This is a special book by a very gifted writer.

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Canaries Tips

As I mentioned yesterday we returned from Fuerteventura safe and sound. This was our third year in a row enjoying winter sun in the Canaries, the first time we went to Lanzarote and both this year and last we went to Fuerteventura (opposite sides of the island though).

Let's face it most people are not going there for the culture so you can't expect an authentic Canarian or Spanish experience when you are staying in holiday resorts developed with the large tourism markets in mind(especially Germany and Britain). With three small children driving around the island to really discover all of its secrets is just not practical so I will have to discover the authentic Islas Canarias a bit later in my life. For now you gets what you gets. Anyway here are a few tips based on my Canaries experiences:
1) Milk - I don't know if they feed the cows lemons or what but the fresh milk sold in the Canaries tastes mildly sour from opening the carton and it goes quickly downhill from there. As much as I detest UHT milk I have to say that this is the only way to go down there.
2) Canarian Potatoes - There is much fresh fish to be eaten in the Canaries as you might expect and it is often served with Canarian potatoes. These are small potatoes boiled in salty water and steamed wrinkly dry. They are served with mojo sauce and they are only deliciosa as an accompaniment to fish or meat with a nice salad on the side.
3) Chinese - There is a Chinese restaurant on the main drag in Jandía which is one of the best I have ever eaten in. The food is delicious, the service in wonderful and if you are ever in that part of the world don't be shy to pay them a visit.
4) Supermercado - As in every tourist location it pays to walk a little longer to avoid paying the tourist prices. The central supermarkets (one of which is nearly always a Netto) are for the tourist market but the Spanish residents also need to shop. In Jandía a big Spar a short walk away from the main drag was much better value and I actually spoke Spanish to the staff there.
5) Beaches - Jandía has a beautiful beach but it is no good for bathing for children because of the enormous waves (loved body surfing though). Corralejo in the north of Fuerteventura had much calmer waters and that was also our experience at Playa Blanca in Lanzarote.
6) Boxes - The Canarian tourist market has two boxes namely German and English. Locals working in the service industry do not seem to want to recognize the inconvenient truth that very many tourists are not German or English. Don't get annoyed by this, it's laziness, it's not meant as an insult. They are not calling Irish people English, they also want Polish, French, Dutch and Lithuanians to fit in to the boxes. Stay calm, if I can manage it you can.
7) Language - Many people on holidays seem to leave their intelligence at their home airport. We live in a world where monolingual people are in a minority. Nowadays practically every educated European speaks some English and many understand German, French and Spanish. Yes, Dutch people, plenty of people understand you too. Do not assume that you can insult people lying beside you because they do not speak your language. We could not recognize only one language (was it a Finnish dialect?, Hungarian?, why are we hearing some Slavonic words?). My wife spoke to the father in English, it turned out that he was Lithuanian living in the UK and he started speaking to her in Polish when he found out where she is from. Remember your manners, if you want to talk about people do it discreetly, assume that they understand you by default.
8) Children - Holiday resorts have animation and kids clubs. Check that this option is there before booking your resort. They will enjoy doing the activities and you will enjoy some precious parental rest.
9) Drink - House rosé always cheap and good, sangria rarely fails, beer is beer but avoid Tropical (reminds me of Harp).
10) Haggling - Nothing on the market has a price, the only way to find the bottom is to start very low. We had no radio so I bough speakers to connect to my mobile's radio. He started at 40 and then I offered 20 and we ended at 25. I probably overpaid by 15 Euro. I should have started at 10 and maybe paid 15. I hate haggling though and as long as I am not ripped off too much I'm not bothered. I was on holidays after all.

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Overheard

I just got back today from the sunny Islas Canarias so it will take me a few days to adjust to these temperatures. I'll report more extensively later about my holiday and provide some tips on how to have a perfect Canarian vacation (this was my third visit so I have learned from experience).
Anyway I wanted to post this gem to start with. As I can recognize almost every European language and I take an active interest in guessing unknown ones I was able to say with certainty that the following nationalities were in attendance at the children's swimming pool in our complex on Saturday morning - Dutch (in the majority), Irish, Spanish, Polish, French, Lithuanian, British and Norwegian. Note that there were absolutely no Germans there and it was quite crowded.
Imagine my surprise at hearing the following conversation between a Norwegian and a young British girl:
- Have you met anybody while you've been here?
- Not really, there aren't really any English people.
- No, there are no Norwegians either. This place is just full of Germans.

I was flabbergasted. Ironically, the day before the British girl's mother had complimented me on my excellent English (evidently middle class Irish accents are not Irish enough and because I was speaking Polish to my wife I was automatically precluded from being a native English speaker). Anyway she had mentioned that she hadn't realized that it was a German resort. I did tell her that there were actually way more Dutch people than Germans. She did say that she couldn't tell the difference. For English speakers it probably is not so easy to distinguish but for a Norwegian!
It's sad that there is this in-built anti-German bias anyway. Why can't people give them a break? Especially when they are not even there unless we are all Germans now or something.

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De Ontsnapping (Escape)

This book is on the IMPAC long list as the English version "Escape". This novel intrigued and appalled me at the same time. Julia is a thirtysomething Dutch lady married with two kids and an unsatisfying job. Her family history is dysfunctional and provides the backdrop to the rest of the novel. Julia is not happy with her lot and decides to escape quite literally leaving her family behind her as she goes on an adventure to Portugal to reinvent herself physically, mentally and sexually. Rarely have I come across such an unsympathetic female character in the novel. Nothing from her past can forgive her callous, selfish actions. Reading this novel it is hard not to feel appalled by this dystopic vision of liberation. The novel is far more than a bonkbuster because van Royen deliberately provokes the reader by exploring the edges of your moral boundaries. I think I need a break from Heleen van Royen for a while, her style is too okay in small doses but I think that two novels within a short period of time is a little too much.

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Three Kiss Horror

I read a very interesting article in the Dutch weekly Elsevier about how greeting forms in our nether land are changing. As any of you will know who have spent time here in the last decade the three kisses on the cheek greeting had been making an inexorable march towards dominance up until quite recently. Many foreigners including me dislike the three kisses many reasons including the following:

1. Kissing every female at the table or in the room three times takes inordinately long.
2. For me kissing is quite intimate anyway so I don't want to do it unless I know the person (and like them).
3. Further to the above, I don't mind kissing women I find attractive but otherwise I have an in-built resistance.
4. The whole thing has gotten a little bit too much and nobody knows what the rules are any more.

Now Elsevier reports that young Dutch people are moving towards a single kiss on the cheek or lips ((fe)male to female) and a handshake or shoulder pat (male to male). Life is so much easier if you only have to deal with one air kiss to the cheek. I also like the affectionate shoulder pat or rub (known as the 'wrijfeje' in Dutch). That is enough to acknowledge another man without needing any further intimacy.
Having said all that the Polish habit is to do three kisses when greeting intimates so I am unlikely to see the back of the three kisses any time soon. Even if it could just be twice comme à la française I would be happier. Just like I used to dread the shaking hands part at mass I am often confronted with the three kiss horror. As Margaret Thatcher once said "No! No! No!".

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The Friday Weigh-in

This winter has been a strange one. Normally I suffer from at least one major dip which results in me having to 'self-medicate' (well, maybe not having to but doing it anyway). I don't normally get sick at all and I find myself getting annoyed at others dropping like flies. This season I have managed to escape depression and I have effectively operated as normal throughout the winter. This may also explain why I have not put on weight again and I have kept training since I started my latest regime in September.
However, I am now dealing with another cold after having one last month. I am both sick and sickened. How can this be happening when I thought that I was the model of health immune to common viruses? Perhaps it's the relentless march of time or maybe having three children to bring every known strain of virus back from other places has done it for me.
Anyway, the winter is almost over for me because soon we will be in the Canaries enjoying some sun and when we get back spring will not be far away. Happily I have no beer gut to cover up this holiday so I will have no feeling of shame peeling off my t-shirt at the pool or on the beach. We will be going to a resort in Fuerteventura that has everything for the kids. It will be a all about relaxing and recharging the batteries and hopefully regaining my immunity from nasty virus attacks.

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Masterchef

I must admit that I am somewhat addicted to "Masterchef"on the BBC. It goes against all logic that I should succumb to its questionable attractions given that it frustrates me that I cannot taste any of the (visually) scrumptious food prepared and the hyperbole of the presenters annoys the hell out of me. Watch it I do however.
Now one thing I find very suspect is that all of the contestants have a dream of owning their own restaurant. Are they serious or are they just saying this to ingratiate themselves with the hosts? Let's face it, even in good times many restaurants go bust. Running a restaurant is hard work during unsocial hours. These people are good at cooking so why do they want to own the restaurant? If I were good computer programmer I don't imagine that I would want to own Microsoft. I like writing, I would love to have a book published but I don't exactly dream of owning Random House.
Last year I was having a good run every night in picking the winner and I put my wife to shame. This season I seem to be poxed, if I were a punter I'd be lying in some gutter by now having washed away my losses with a bottle of JD. I seem to pick the wrong chef every night. Maybe its because I can't help judging the person, maybe I spend too much time considering who is dishy rather than just looking at their dishes.
In any case Masterchef has become the unwelcome thief of my heart, parasite of my late evening. My Japanese Kanji flashcards stare forlornly at me while I indulge in this brain-dead televisual titillation. Maybe I need help.

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My Dream of You

I wasn't sure what to expect from this novel by the late Nuala O'Faoláin. The back cover blurb about a middle aged Irish lady going back to the auld sod to deal after decades in Blighty did not exactly draw me in. I decided to give it a read based on the very strong press reviews and what I found surprised me. I had far more in common with the lead character Kathleen than I would have expected. Her very ambiguous relationship with England is a recurring theme in the book. She is haunted by Irish history, in particular the Great Famine when all that we were was lost. Even on a personal level the English are an enigma being both friends and enemies at once. One statement that really struck me was when she spoke about her English friend and said that "the friendship was unbalanced like it never would have been if she were French or American, as though we were opposites". I have never come across it put that way but I recognize that feeling.

The novel intertwines Kathleen's own healing journey with the story of a love affair between an English lady in the 'big house' and her Irish servant. O'Faoláin weaves both strands of the novel expertly together. Her main character is extremely flawed with a very unhealthy attitude to sex and relationships but Kathleen has many redeeming features and ultimately her humanity stands out above her faults. This would not be one of my favourite novels but it is certainly worth reading.

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Back to School

Life's great, isn't it? You lose most of your hair, the rest is what's politely termed salt and pepper coloured and still you have to deal with 'firsts' in your life. Last night I attended my first parent/teacher meeting with some trepidation. There are times when two people have a very different experience of the same person. At home my daughter is obedient and generally complies with the rules of the house and does not give backchat. At school the teacher finds her very mischievous particularly when she is supposed to take part in group activities. We discussed this and the teacher thinks that the language disadvantage could be a factor. Maybe she does not want to engage in the group because she know her Dutch is not perfect. Considering that she is very analytical and careful with use of language in Polish and English this might well be a factor. The frustrating thing for me is that the teacher said that we should not take any action. She was happy to hear what I had to say about my daughter and she has some ideas about how to engage her in the group. On the positive side she said that Luna always did her tasks well and with pleasure so it really is a behavioural issue rather than any learning issue. I hope that this issue will be sorted out but I am just an observer watching on the sidelines.

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Ireland's Crisis

Living away from my home country I have gone through many phases, from feeling deeply attached to feeling coolly detached or even totally alienated. Like a madman screaming to himself in a sound-proofed cell I have raged at events in Ireland though they rarely affected me directly. Ireland has become a theoretical place. I have many strong opinions about what should or should not happen there but my opinions do not count as I do not live there and I do not engage in any activity that might effect change there. Like a phantom limb I cannot let my emotional attachment go but I can still rationally appreciate that what happens in The Netherlands is what matters now.
I have watched the slow motion car crash that is the Irish economy for the last few years with a mixture of fascination and bewilderment. As I read the predictions of David McWilliams and the observations on the Property Pin website I realized that the boom could only end in disaster. When I visited home I mostly kept my opinions to myself because nobody wants to hear gloomy predictions. For me the height of how ludicrous it got was when the Irish press started spouting about how Ireland was the second richest country in the world. Anybody who had ever spent a day in say Germany, Finland or Sweden could tell you that Ireland had a long way to go before being a really rich country.
Now that the game is over I feel very sorry for those Irish people who bought into the hot air. The damage done by the country devoting so much resources to building castles in the sky will take a long time to undo. There are many people who got diverted from the productive economy and now do not have the skills needed to work in wealth producing industries. At times I was jealous of everything that was going on back in Ireland, I really missed the party but thankfully I am also missing the hangover that follows.
One avenue that the Irish government has not yet explored though is getting some help from the Irish abroad. For all the talk about the Irish diaspora the Irish government does precious little to bind us to the home country. Now might be the time to think about giving us the right to vote among other things. In return there are many mechanisms from an expat tax to an Irish bond that might be used to get the Irish abroad to invest in forging a new Ireland. As David McWilliams has said many times before the Irish diaspora is Ireland's hidden wealth. Maybe now is the time to use it.

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